Some time ago, one of my students got to hear this sentence again. We were modifying his relationships with his fellows when he is on a leash.
Sometimes, being unable to move freely, while they feel some discomfort, makes some dogs less tolerant: they are not able to present themselves in their own way, they are not able to move away in their own way; they have few possible strategies left: turning into a statue or a dragon. Depending on their life experiences, their learning, their temperament, the context, some will opt for one strategy or another.
Since he is able to deal with other dogs when off-leash, it is important that he relearns to communicate differently for the well-being of all when he is on a leash. His progress is significant: he takes the time to get to know the other one, he goes back to other activities immediately afterwards, he quickly calms down if he happens to get stressed out. However, if he is in certain situations, he can get upset. When this sentence was pronounced, I had just repeatedly called out to the owners of the other dog who was coming to us. Indeed, the latter's body language seemed to send signs he was friendly. However, instead of there being an exchange of introductions, the other dog directly licked my student's penis. Even though he was uncomfortable and somewhat tense, my student managed to disconnect from this genital licker to move away. Because of the progress he had made, he nevertheless showed he would get to know this penis cleaner. Except that by showing interest, the other one only came back to do the same behavior, over and over again. So, NO, this dog was not nice: at no time did he introduce himself, at no time did he take breaks, at no time did he take into account the signs sent to him. At best, he is mostly rude and very focused on one part of the body.
A dog is not nice just because he does not bite.
A dog is not bad just because he is growling.
These are nothing but human labels placed on beings who do not work that way.
In the end, the "nice" dog was scolded ardently by my student who, after five times of having his willy licked, had had enough of the other dog not understanding. And then, the owner of the other dog was astonished "but he wants to bite". No, ma'am, he wants to reestablish distance between your dog who is harassing him at that moment and his private parts. How am I sure of it: once the other dog walked away, he moved on.
I often work with dogs who have reactive behaviors because they are dealing with negative introductions, because they are on a leash, because they had unpleasant experiences, because they have illnesses or disabilities.
The owners of these dogs are often confronted with the ignorance of other humans, their lack of knowledge, their judgments about their dog and/or themselves. They sacrifice their serenity to find solutions so that others are not disturbed by some behaviors of their dog (and yes! A dog that has reactive behaviors also has affective behaviors, mischievous behaviors, etc behaviors…). They endure the derogatory remarks with as much apparent composure as inner pain.
Personally, I feel more empathy for them than disdain.
Personally, I feel more sympathy for them than reproaches.
You don’t have to be ashamed that your dog can’t cope in some contexts, in some environments. You don’t have to blame yourself for not having you and your dog meet other people’s expectations. You don’t have to internalize as your own voice the hurtful words of people who don’t know your situation or your dog’s experiences. You've got my full support!
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